| Author | Message | ||
| Dale McLain
Valued Member Username: sparklingseas Post Number: 848 Registered: 11-2004 |
It goes like this- He hoists his skinny ass (doesn’t he know a woman wants a little something to hold onto?) onto that damned motorcycle and v’room, v’room- he’s outta’ here, gone faster than a scared rat slinking off quick and low. From my vantage point this is one ugly scene- throw in a burning car and some graffiti and you’ve got Newark or south Philly. But this is suburbia, honey- all golf course grass and shiny cars. There’s no place for blood and land mines here, no place to pile the bodies. Still, he’s gone, big time. His final offering lies under the caladiums- a brown wallet, spewing pictures and plastic. Who needs that shit in happyland? V’room, v’room! | ||
| Kathy Paupore
Intermediate Member Username: kathy Post Number: 2049 Registered: 12-2003 |
Dale, enjoyed. Might I suggest you start right off with He goes like this- hoists his skinny ass (doesn't know a woman wants a little something more to hold?) onto that damned motorcycle In S2 L3 you could drop the "and"  K | ||
| Gary Blankenship
Advanced Member Username: garyb Post Number: 4052 Registered: 07-2001 |
Dale, a good work, well read. here Still, he’s gone, big time. His final offering lies under the caladiums- break at final? Thanks. Gary Drop in read the new MindFire, 2005's first Go in through http://www.mindfirerenew.com/ to get to the issue in a click or two. | ||
| Dale McLain
Valued Member Username: sparklingseas Post Number: 852 Registered: 11-2004 |
Kathy, Gary~ Yes, good suggestions. Thanks so much!! take care~dale | ||
| Laurie Byro
Intermediate Member Username: lauriette Post Number: 1022 Registered: 11-2003 |
dale, funny because it is so well done, I could HEAR someone telling this tale good writing laurie |
